I went to sleep
thinking of You.
Praying someday
We would be together.
I fell asleep
thinking of You.
Reflecting on
how important you are
to me.

In the wee hours of the morning
sleep ducked behind a pillow.
I lay there in some weird state
and was unconciously aware.
My mouth was saying something
which I no longer recall
except that I was mumbling about me
in the third person.
I tried to wake up
and thought I succeeded
but found myself repeating what I just said
as if forced, but not really.
I tried to figure out what I was saying.
I knew it had to do something with You.

I got up.
Fumbled around a bit.
Looked outside the window.
Checked the weather online.
Ate a snack bar.
I was tired
but I couldn't sleep
but I couldn't feel anything
but I couldn't tell what was happening.

So I got back into bed,
and tried to doze off.
And I laid there
for what seemed hours,
but was only two minutes,
when fear gripped me.
I suddenly realized something awful.
Something I hoped would never happen.
Something I wished would go away.

You know how
I lost sleep because of Her.
The ways she tortured
my soul.
And here I am
trying to sleep
but losing it
because of You.

Is this good?
Is this bad?
Am I just losing my mind?
Probabally so...it is kinda hot,
and the fans are somewhat loud.
So I try to sleep
and find myself writing this poem
on the whiteboard that is my mind.
And I wrote the first stanza
and I realized
that I need to get up
and walk to the computer
and let my fingers talk.

But I'm tired
and I want to sleep
and I don't want to think about You
because I just want to sleep
but It won't let me.
So I get up
and wander around
and land in front of the screen.
And here I am,
at the seventh stanza
and I'm just rambling on.

I can't tell why I'm writing this.
Can You?
And just as I was about to go blank
something You said
struck me as odd.

You think it's just a crush.
That I don't really love you.
Because I can't possibly know You that well.
Maybe it is.
I don't know.
I certainly hope it's real.
And I question:
why would You say such a thing
when it's obvious Our feelings are strong?
Would We have done the things that We did
if there wasn't really Something there?

Are You hiding something from me?
I hope not.
Or do I?
Are You hiding something
from You?
That's the real question,
I guess.
Are You doing what You're doing
for You?
Or am I too concerned
about nothing at all?
Or have I any idea at all?

Don't try to shrug it off
You have to admit
there most certainly is Something there.
Or am I just heading
to the Abyss again?
That hellish place She sent me.
But I dare not think
that You would do that
for You wouldn't?
Couldn't?
Won't?
I think?
But I can't, since it's 3:10 am
and this is the 10th stanza
and I'm going out of my mind
since I just wrote the 10th stanza
14 minutes later, and the next
is really the 14th
and logic and order have ceased.
As if there was ever any logic at all.

You hold in Your hands
the most powerful weapon
in my world.
You hold in Your hands
the key to my heart
which you have used before.
And I'm glad You did,
because I can't begin to explain
how much happiness You have brought me.
You are the brightest point of light in my life.
And You are my best friend.
And I trust You implicitly.
And I love You with all my heart.
And obviously I've lost it
when I think We could get married
and realize that couldn't happen
for at least eight years.
And obviously I'm nuts
when I think I'd wait
because I know I'd do it, too.
And obviously I'm insane
to think I've got any sense left.

Maybe this is all a dream?
A horrible nightmare?
And I still haven't written
"A Friendship".
No, of course not.
I can't be so insane
that I take my problem with Her
and give it a twist
and spin it around
and take a few years off
and add someone else
and bash my head
into the wall.
Is it obvious yet
that I'm starting to crack?
Oh, what a glorious sight that'll be.

I watched it happen to my roommate and thought,
"That'll never happen to me."
Well, it is.
Or it did.
But either way
I've got no idea what I'm saying.
So why don't I just stop here?
And let the poem continue
the way it was going.
'Cause it certainly can't make more sense than this.
And damnit, I'm wide awake now!

I don't know what to think anymore
and I can only trust You
because I certainly can't trust me.
Because I must clearly be out of my mind
to still be up
writing this monstrosity.
And to write this stanza
before the last.
So if I've said anything here
it's quite escaped me
for I know not what I wrote.
So if you figure it out
please tell me.
But I do know that I'm tired now
so I'll try to sleep again.

I go to sleep
thinking of You.
Praying someday
We would be together.
I fall asleep
thinking of You.
Reflecting on
how important you are
to Him.