As I laid in bed
thoughts of you entered my head
speaking with voices first as whispers
then as loud as thunderclaps.
I tried to make sense of it all
as sleep I dearly longed.

You gave me something
last time we talked
and asked me to look at it.
I started to, but was distracted
and when I finally did, you were unavailable.

I wished we could talk, but you weren't around
so I could only talk to myself
I had trouble sleeping because of your message
and thought about it more than I wanted.
I saw more of myself on that page than I wanted to admit.
I couldn't explain it. It scared me dearly.
And I didn't know what to think.

I was confused. Distressed. Lost.
Everything I Knew was in question.
I laid in bed and thought
for a long, long time
about You. And Me. And Us.
And I wondered.

I Knew I love you.
I Know I love you.
That will never change.
But how much do I love you?
That is a far more interesting question.
I've said I love you more than anything,
I'll do anything to bring us together.
I'm sure I still do, and would
but it doesn't seem the same.

I thought I knew what I wanted.
The image was crystal clear.
But when I look at you now
what I want is as fuzzy as can be.

I don't know what I want
I don't know what I need
I feel I've lost you
not that I ever had you
but oddly enough
my heart isn't withering in pain.
You're still the best friend I have
and I'll always love you for that
and I wish we could be together more often.
And maybe you're destined to be with someone else
If so, that leaves a void in my world.

But as long as I have you
as a dearest friend
your love touches my heart
I think I'll be okay
And I just want to say,
thank you, beloved friend.