Featuring John and Dave, two "intelligent" college freshmen trying to make it through till tomorrow...
Would You Like Some Raw Squid?
May 13, 1997
In today's episode, the Whiners decide that Scott's new medicine might be a little too potent.
JOHN'S COMMENTARY: The title of this episode comes from the Xena episode in question, where a sailor asks Gabrielle if she would like some raw squid.
Dave walks in after doing some shopping at the inconvienence store.
<Dave> You know what I hate?
<John> The Magic Elevators?
<Dave> I want to get Gatoraide. Orange Gatoraide. And all they have is some weird shit like strawberry-kiwi.
<John> mmm....sounds like fun.
Scott walks in, carrying a 2-litre bottle of soda.
<Scott> Hey guys! Anyone want a soda?
<John> Yeah...sure.
John goes to open it.
<Scott> No!
Scott yanks the soda away.
<Scott> This was in my fucking freezer over the weekend. Look at it now!
The soda is quite frozen.
<John> Who's smart idea was that?
<Scott> Remember all those people I had over on Saturday? Well, one of them brought this soda, but it was warm. So we threw it into the fridge because we wanted some cool soda. And we forgot about it.
<John> That was rather smart...
<Scott> Yeah...if I hadn't remembered it, it would have exploded soon.
<John> I'm sure your fridge would have loved that.
<Scott> I'd have just cried.
Scott walks back into his room and lets the soda sit out for awhile.
[Later that day]
John walks into the room after returning from class.
<Dave> Hey, have you seen the side effects of Scott's new medicine?
Dave motions to the piece of paper taped to Scott's door.
The last portion of the paper reads "...possible side effects include dizziness, drowsiness, headaches, dry mouth, diarreah, rash, jaundice, unusual bleeding, muscle spasms, mouth sores, mental confusion, and depression."
"Jaundice," "unusual bleeding," "mental confusion," and "depression" are hilighted.
<John> Hm..that's interesting...
<Dave> What?
<John> I wonder if these four side effects that are hilighted are the ones Scott is experiencing?
<Dave> Well, we all know that Scott is in a state of perpetual mental confusion, and he did seem rather depressed earlier...
<John> Yeah. I'd just rather not think about the other two.
Dave puts a strange look on his face, then shakes it off, the way you attempt to dismiss a rather _ugly_ image.
<John> I wonder why this doesn't include paranoia?
John gets out a pen, and adds "paranoia" to the list of side effects, and walks back to his room.
Scott yanks open the door and looks around, as if someone knocked on his door, sees noone, and goes back in his room.
<Dave> Now _that_ was perfect timing.
[Time passes]
John returns to the room from the bathroom, when he notices that someone hilighted "paranoia" on Scott's medicine sheet.
<John> Hey Dave...someone hilighted "paranoia." Guess Scott was suffering from it after all.
Matt walks in.
<Matt> Hey guys...anyone want slinky?
<John> Ooh...slinkies are cool.
<John and Dave> I'll take it!
Matt holds the (small) compressed slinky in front of John for him to take it. As John reaches for it, he releases the slinky. It pops up like a regular compressed spring would. John jumps slightly off his chair.
<Matt> Oh...I guess I should have mentioned...it's broken.
<John> Aww...
John picks the slinky up off the floor and starts playing with it. Xena, Warrior Princess comes back on TV, after an advertisment.
<John> Woohoo! It's Xena!
<Matt> You guys watch Xena too?
<Dave> Who wouldn't? I mean....who couldn't watch a show that has a woman in bronze and leather, carrying a long sword?
<Matt> Good question.
Xena climbs up a tree to escape from that century's version of imperial storm troopers - stupid idiots that can't hit the broad side of a planet. She jumps to a branch, and starts swinging around it. The idiots try and keep aim on her. Needless to say, they look somewhat stupid.
<Evil Villian> SHOOT HER!
The stupid idiots shoot. At the last moment, she lets go and soars upward to the top of the tree and lands on a choice branch. She makes a small jump before using the branch as a diving board. [Insert standard diving board sound here]
Matt looks at the TV kind of funny.
<John> Did you hear that? That sounded like a diving board!
<Dave> It was!
Xena soars through the air in a tuck position, using her trademark yell. Camera angle switches, and shows her nearing the top of the leap by turning the camera to make it look like she's going down.
<Dave> That didn't look right.
The camera switches to a shot even further out, so you can see a rather large cliff, and a boat about 50 feet away from shore. Xena continues to flip through the air. About 50 feet above the ground. It looks rather silly.
John, Dave, and Matt laugh.
Xena executes a perfect landing in the crow's nest of the ship.
<John> Now that was really unexpected.
A QuickTime of the Xena sequence described above was once at ftp://eventhorizon.student.umd.edu/Public/Multimedia/Movies/Misc/xenaLeap.mov
And thus, the ninth episode of the Whiners ends, and John goes off to work on Whiners #10. John is an Electrical Engineering major Honors student who points out places where modern culture gets mixed in with Hercules and Xena when he's bored.
Dave is a Comp Sci major Honors student who wouldn't mind meeting Xena in person.
