Featuring John and Dave, two "intelligent" college sophomores trying to make it through till tomorrow...
Welcome Back
September 19, 1997
In this week's episode, the Whiners are reunited.
NOTE: The events of this episode take place on August 29th. For reference, August 29th, according to the Terminator 2 movie, is Judgment Day, the day when the machines launch a nuclear war against the Earth's human population. John and Dave had been planning to throw a Judgment Day party for six months and show both Terminator movies.
John returns to his room after getting paid to do nothing all day.
<John> Hm...I wonder if Dave has moved in yet.
John unlocks the door and opens it. All of Dave's boxes and bags are laying all over the floor.
<John> I guess that answers that question.
John sits down and checks his email. Five minutes later, Dave walks in with a bunch of groceries.
<John> Hey, Dave. You moving back in now?
<Dave> Umm...no.
<John> Ok, then why is your crap all over the floor?
<Dave> I felt like cluttering up the floor.
<John> Ah. That makes sense. I see you bought groceries.
<Dave> Yeah. $45 worth. That means you have to go to the inconvienence store the next five or six times.
<John> Oh come on...do I have to? They moved it down to the next quad!
<Dave> Why do you think I called it the inconvienence store?
<John> Eh, whatever. How many people did you invite for our Terminator party tonight?
<Dave> Two. They're both over in LaPlata.
[LaPlata is a women's-only dorm adjacent to ours.]
<John> What time are we starting the movies? Nine?
<Dave> Yes, something like that.
<John> Ok. I invited someone, but she doesn't think she'll be able to come. She needs to go to the PanUM games tonight.
<Dave> The PanUM games are _tonight_?
<John> Yeah...I was surprised they'd be having them at night.
<Dave> Lucky for you...if you went, it'd make it harder for people to see you doing backflips.
<John> I'd rather not think about that...
[Several hours later...]
John returns from the dining hall with dinner.
<Dave> Oh shit...
<John> What?
Dave picks up the phone and dials a number. After a few seconds, he hangs the phone up.
<Dave> Aaarrrrggghh!
<John> What's wrong?
Dave grabs his keys and runs out the door.
John [Yells to Dave, as he runs down the hall]- Dave! Whatever the phone said to you, I'm sure it wasn't THAT bad....
[Fifteen minutes later]
Dave walks back into the room and goes straight to his phone. He picks it up, dials a number, listens for a minute, and hangs up. He looks noticably pissed..
<John> What was that all about?
<Dave> Well...I was supposed to meet Lisa in the dining hall for dinner, but I didn't see her. We must have missed each other. She's not in her room. I'll give her a call in a little while. Hopefully she'll be back by then.
<John> I'm assuming this is one of the women you invited to the party?
<Dave> Yes.
<John> I'm also assuming that this isn't the Lisa that had your pants last semester.
<Dave> Right again...you're on a roll!
<John> Ok, then who is she?
<Dave> A friend of mine I met on WBS. WBS is some online chat thing...kinda like IRC.
<John> Ah..ok. You were planning on sharing your bed, right?
Dave looks at John funny for a second.
<John> That didn't come out the way I intended, did it?
<Dave> No, it didn't.
<John> Well, you know what I meant...
<Dave> Yes, of course I'll let them use my bed. You didn't think I'd make them sit on the floor, did you?
<John> No, of course not. I don't think my brain's working right now.
<Dave> Is it ever working?
<John> Let's not go there.
Dave looks around for a minute, then reality sets in.
<Dave> Arrgh...I'm so depressed.
John looks at his watch.
<John> Wow...it's been five hours since you've been here, and you're only just getting depressed. You're starting to get a little slow.
Dave gives John a rather odd face and goes back to ICQ.
John walks over to Dave's closet and gets out a rather large bag of M&M's.
<John> Dave, you want any M&Ms?
<Dave> Sure. Plain.
John tosses Dave a pack of plain M&M, and looks at the bag for a minute.
<John> You know, I just noticed....this is a big-ass bag full of little-ass bags.
Dave groans.
<Dave> So, what have you been up to this week?
<John> Well..I'm working for Res Life, helping people set up their computers and get on the network.
Dave laughs.
<John> Eh, laugh all you want. I'm getting paid for sitting on my ass doing nothing. We played on Justin's Nintendo 64 for awhile today. That's why the TV wasn't here when you dropped your stuff off.
<Dave> Ah...now it makes sense. I thought I went blind or something.
<John> You know what's funny? At the training yesterday, there was this short guy with an obvious disability in one of those three-wheeled electric go-carts. That damn thing moves faster than anyone can walk
<Dave> Hah!
Dave picks up his phone and tries to call Lisa again. She's not there.
<Dave> Arrgh...You know, I probabally only missed her by a minute at the dining hall.
<John> I guess it's safe to assume that she's not coming, then?
<Dave> I guess so.
<John> That sucks...that means that it's going to be us and one girl from upstairs, if she even comes at all.
<Dave> You should probabally go find people to join us later.
<John> That's a good idea.
<Dave> Yes, I know. I thought of it myself.
<John> Eh, whatever. Anyways, I just remembered....at the movie theatre I worked at over the summer, there was this disabled guy who had an electric wheelchair. He drove that thing as fast as it could go all the time. Considering he'd drive towards an object at full throttle and then stop on a dime right before he ran into it, I'm surprised he didn't crash into anything there.
<Dave> A wheelchair at full throttle? Did it have rocket engines on it?
<John> I wouldn't be surprised. You know, the last week I worked there, I spent more time watching movies and doing nothing than I actually spent doing work.
<Dave> I suppose that's the good thing about working at a movie theatre...you get to watch movies for free.
<John> Yeah. I'm glad I didn't pay to see anything...most of the movies this summer sucked. Did you see Event Horizon?
<Dave> Event Horizon? That really sucked. I almost left in the middle of it!
<John> Event Horizon could have been good, but it was a Sci-Fi movie that tried to be a horror movie. As a result, if you saw the first and last fifteen minutes, you knew the whole plot.
<Dave> You watched Event Horizon?
<John> No. I saw the first and last fifteen minutes.
<Dave> So if you didn't like it, why is your computer named Event Horizon?
<John> Because it's a good name.
<Dave> Oh. Did you see Spawn?
<John> Yeah, I saw most of it. It was ok. They could have done hell a bit better, though.
<Dave> Yeah. Hell obviously looked computer generated.
<John> As if you would know what hell looks like...
<Dave> ummmm....
<John> Anyways...did you notice that the Devil had armpit flaps?
<Dave> Armpit flaps?!
<John> Yeah...whever he spread his arms out...I thought it was pretty obvious.
<Dave> You know, I never really looked for that...
<John> Which isn't necessarally a bad thing...
<Dave> You have that right..
John looks at the clock.
<John> I'm going to go walk around the building and see if anyone wants to watch Terminator with us.
<Dave> Don't come back without someone else!
[Ten minutes later]
John walks back in.
<Dave> Where's the crowd?
<John> There probabally won't be one. I talked to a few people upstairs, and it turns out that we're in competition with The Rock.
<Dave> Gee...really tough choice there...
As it turns out, one person did come to the Whiner's Judgment Day party, however he was only at College Park to help his sister move in. Go figure. He didn't stay to watch Terminator 2 anyways; the Whiners were successful in scaring him off after Terminator 1 ended.
John is an Electrical Engineering major Honors student who has a severe case of writer's block.
Dave is a Comp Sci major Honors student who is still committed to alienating everyone on the floor.
