Featuring John and Dave, two "intelligent" college sophomores trying to make it through till tomorrow...
Nostalgic At Nineteen
October 15, 1997
In this week's episode, the Whiners get all nostalgic.
David Letterman is on TV. John is browsing through Hotline sites. Dave is cleaning the dust out of his computer's fan because it is making evil noises.
<Dave> You know, this is making me really annoyed...
<John> What?
Dave presses the power switch on his computer. The computer turns on. Then the fan starts making loud evil noises.
<John> that does not sound good.
<Dave> No, it doesn't. can I borrow your screwdriver?
<John> Yeah sure...
John gets up and goes to his closet. He moves some stuff around, but can't see the screwdriver. He walks over to his desk and looks for it there.
<John> Damn...I hope noone borrowed my screwdriver and didn't return it...
<Dave> All I know is that the last person that borrowed it that I know of returned it.
John walks back to his closet.
<John> Oh..here it is...it helps if the bright orange side is facing outwards.
<Dave> It helps...
Dave starts opening his computer's case. John goes back to his computer.
<John> Woah...cool!
<Dave> What?
<John> You're gonna love this..
<Dave> What? I'm in the middle 7of dissassembling my computer...
<John> I just found some Internet site that has QuickTimes of the intros for the three seasons of the Transformers!
<Dave> Cool! I used to watch that show religiously!
John plays the QuickTime for the first season.
<Dave> I'll just be all set tonight if you can find a Quicktime of the ThunderCats. I loved that show too.
Phil walks by.
<Dave> Hey, Phil!
<Phil> Hey, Dave.
<Dave> Phil! John just got QuickTimes of the intros to the Transformers!
<Phil> Really? Cool..I loved that show!
John restarts the QuickTime. Phil and Dave watch it.
<John> I love 80's cartoons...they just don't make cartoons like they used to.
Phil finishes watching the Transformers QuickTimes, then leaves to study for a class.
Dave opens his computer and starts unscrewing the power supply.
<John> Dave, I found 'em!
<Dave> Found what?
<John> QuickTimes for He-Man, Voltron, Silverhawks --
<Dave> Silverhawks was cool. I remember, when I was a kid, all I wanted to do was to grow up and be a Silverhawk.
<John> Yeah, I remember putting all the Silverhawk toys down on one of my Christmas lists.
<Dave> Voltron was also pretty good..
<John> And, they have a QuickTime of ThunderCats.
<Dave> Woohoo!
John starts downloading the four QuickTimes.
<John> Hm...maybe I shouldn't have started four downloads from the same site at once.
<Dave> That can get you, won't it?
Five minutes later...
<Dave> Hey, John...can you give me a hand here?
<John> Sure..watcha need?
<Dave> Hold the power supply while I get the screw I dropped.
John holds the power supply, while Dave digs around on the floor looking for the screw.
<Dave> Ah! Found it!
John goes back to his computer.
<John> Hey, Dave, look over here.
Dave pesses the power switch on his computer. The fan comes to life, making quieter evil sounds.
John plays a QuickTime.
<QuickTime> [music]....Thunder! Thunder! ThunderCats! Ho!
<Dave> Woohoo!
Dave watches the QuickTime.
<Dave> Yes! It's Cheetara! I loved her! Hey, what's that little cat's name?
<John> Snarf?
<Dave> Snarf? Yeah..that's right...
Right after the ThunderCats QuickTime ends, the SilverHawks QuickTime finishes downloading and pops up. John starts it.
<Dave> I loved the SilverHawks
<QuickTime> "...Partly metal, partly real, SilverHawks!..."
<Dave> Yes! I love 80's cartoons!
The QuickTime ends. Dave goes back to fixing his computer.
Dave blows on the power supply. Clouds of dust rise into the air.
<John> Was that really necessary?
<Dave> Yes, it was. At least most of it is going back to my desk.
<John> Where it can get sucked back in again...
<Dave> Whatever...
John goes back to downloading the other two QuickTimes.
Five minutes later...
<Dave> John! Look at the TV!
John looks at the TV.
<Dave> He just swallowed a lightbulb!
<John> What?!
Letterman's guest spits out the lightbulb. It crashes onto the floor and shatters.
John blinks.
Letterman's guest picks up a balloon, stretches is out, blows it up and deflates it, and then swallows it. He then picks up a nail and swallows that. After beating on his chest, you hear the balloon pop.
<John> What the fuck?
<Dave> This guy is sick...
Letterman's guest picks up a billiards ball and swallows that. He takes a drink of water, and spits out the nail. He takes another sip and spits out the ball. John's jaw drops about three feet.
<Dave> This guy is _really_ sick...
Letterman's guest then takes some artificial sweetener in a glass and swallows it. He takes a sip of water, then regurgitates the sweetener onto a plate. The sweetener appears to be quite dry. John's jaw drops another foot.
Letterman walks over to his guest and makes a comment about a finale. His guest unveils a fishbowl with a goldfish swimming around in it. He scoops up the fish into a glass, and then swallows it. A minute later, he spits the fish back out. The fish is quite alive.
John's jaw drops the rest of the way to the ground.
<Dave> I did NOT need to see that...
<John> Dave, you know, that fish probabally thought it had gone to hell and came back.
<Dave> I wouldn't be surprised.
John sits down.
<John> ugh..I think I can feel that fish swiming around in my stomach now...
Five minutes later...
Scott walks in.
<Scott> Hey guys...one of you have a stamp I can borrow?
<John> Hey Scott...
<Dave> Yeah, I think I have one.
Dave rummages through his desk looking for a stamp.
<John> Did you watch Letterman?
<Scott> No. Why? What happened?
John tells Scott about Letterman's performance artist. Scott appears to have trouble standing.
<Dave> Here, Scott..you owe me two stamps now.
<Scott> Uh..sure..thanks, Dave.
Scott leaves the room.
<Dave> I think we sufficiently scared him.
A few minutes later...
Matt walks in.
<Matt> Hey guys..
<John> Hey Matt. Did you watch Letterman?
<Matt> Yeah...I did.
<Dave> You HAVE to get that guy to come here! You have the power to do that..
[Matt is a member of SUPC - Stamp Union Program Council, in charge of events at the Student Union.]
<Matt> Uh..sure...what was his name?
<John> I dunno...is it on the web somewhere?
<Matt> Yeah...lemme look at the TV guide.
Matt brings up the Washington Post's TV guide.
<John> Yeah...there..."Performance Artist Stevie Starr"
<Dave> You HAVE to get him to come to campus, Matt...
<Matt> Ok, sure..
<John> Oh...Matt...I got QuickTimes of the intros for three seasons of the Transformers, and for SilverHawks, ThunderCats, He-Man, and Voltron.
<Matt> Cool...I loved the Transformers!
<Dave> I used to watch that show religiously. I loved how the leader of the Decepticons...Megatron...could transform from like a five story building to a handgun.
<John> Yeah, so did I. I'd watch it at 8am before going to school, and then again at 4pm after I got home from school
<Matt> Voltron was pretty good, also.
<Dave> What was the name of that other show...that began with a T?
<John> Tranzor Z?
<Dave> Yeah! That was cool too!
John pulls up a copy of Netscape and does a search for Transor Z in Alta Vista. Alta Vista returns 99 matches. John goes to the first one.
Matt and John read the page. Dave goes back to fixing his computer.
<Matt> Woah, Dave...you have to read this..
<Dave> What?
John reads from the web page..."Not surprisingly, the American version left out Aphrodite A's battle cry of "Fire breast missiles!""
Dave starts laughing.
<John> There's more..."There is even a rumored unsold TV pilot of Nagai's Testicle Boy..."
John looses his composure, as Dave and Matt start laughing more...
<John> "...who washes away monsters by super-urinating on them."
John, Dave, and Matt have a good long laugh.
<Dave> Now that is one TV show I wouldn't have minded seeing...
John brings up another web site, a list of 80's cartoons.
<Matt> Woah! M.A.S.K.! I almost forgot about that one..
<John> Danger Mouse! I loved that show...I remember there being some episode called "Custard" that I really liked, but I can't remember anything about it..
<Dave> Cool....the Care Bears!
John and Matt look at Dave kind of funny.
<Dave> Well, it was cool...
<Matt> The Smufs!
<John> Ok...Obligated Smurf joke...If you strangle a smurf..
<Dave> What color does he turn?
<Matt> A better one- "How many Smufs does it take to satisfy a Smurfette? The world may never know."
<Dave> Heh..good one, Matt...
<John> Jabber Jaw! Wasn't that the one with the shark?
<Dave> Yeah!
<John> Hey...I've got several episodes of the Transformers on a tape, including the movie...and at the end of the tape, I've got an episode of Jabber Jaw...we have to watch it some time!
<Dave> Yes!!
<Matt> You have Transformers episodes? Cool!
<John> Hey...we should have a Transformers party on Friday...
<Dave> Good idea!
<John> I'm gonna go tell Phil...
John walks across the hall. Phil doesn't appear to be in his room.
<John> Hey, Jon...is Phil in?
<Jon> No...Phil is down in the lounge studying.
<John> Ah..ok. When he gets back, could you tell him that we're having a Transformers party on Friday?
<Jon> A transformer party?
Jon has a blank look on his face.
<John> Yeah, you know...the cartoon? I've got several episodes, and the movie on tape.
<Jon> Oh...the Transformers! I thought you were talking about power transformers or something...
John and Matt laugh.
John, Matt, and Jon talk about the Transformers for awhile, before Matt and John decide they need to go to bed.
A little while later...
<John> That was fun...it's not often you get nostalgic about cartoons...they just don't make them like they used to.
<Dave> Yeah...
Dave turns on his computer again. It doesn't make evil sounds.
<Dave> Yes! The fan is cured!
<John> Congratulations!
John closes the door and prepares to go to sleep.
<Dave> Oh no!
<John> What?
<Dave> The speakers!
John listens to Dave's computer's speakers.
The speakers make evil clicking noises.
<Dave> Nooo!! They're possessed!
John is an Electrical Engineering major Honors student who has finally successfully combated a month-long case of writer's block.
Dave is a Comp Sci major Honors student who is taking up being a priest so he can exorsize the demons out of his computer.
