The Whiners, #16
Featuring John and Matt, two "intelligent" college sophomores trying to make it through till tomorrow...
Uninstall Cancerous Tumors
January 30, 1998
In today's Whiners episode, the Whiners begin their fourth semester of hell.
Did we say hell? We meant College.
Matt is John's new roommate. You may remember him from previous Whiners episodes.
<John> Blah...the Super Bowl is on TV...there's nothing good on.
<Matt> Look on the bright side...at least there's the commercials.
Noah walks in. (Noah lives right across the hall from John and Matt in Mark and Scott's old room. For some reason, he hasn't been mentioned in any Whiners episodes yet. Go figure.)
<Noah> Hey guys...you ever tried to install IE 4?
<John> No. Never. Wouldn't be caught dead using it.
<Matt> Nope. Why?
<Noah> Don't. It's impossible to remove.
<John> Figures. Typical Microsoft.
<Noah> Anyways, I tried removing it...the uninstaller restarted the machine. Then it checked for necessary disk space.
John looks confused.
<John> It had to check for disk space to _remove_ it? It's as if they wouldn't want you to have too much free space.
John, Matt, and Noah gravitate towards Noah's room.
<Noah> Yeah. Then it asked me if I wanted to remove it. Then it asked me if I was sure. Then it asked me if I wanted to leave it on.
<Matt> Leave it on?
<Noah> Yup. Then it had to reboot again. Then it asked me if I wanted to install the thing!
<John> Yeah, that's typical Microsoft for you.
<Noah> At least it's off my system now.
John notices a lit candle on Noah's dresser.
<John> Nice candle.
<Noah> Thanks. It's an artistic candle.
Noah picks the candle up and attempts to show John the bottom.
<Noah> See? It ways "artistic candle."
Noah puts the candle down and jumps around a bit.
<Noah> Hot wax! Hot Wax!
<John> You might want to run some water on that.
<Noah> Naah...it's already hardened. I'll just peel it off.
<John> Heh...gotta love wax.
Later that night...
<John> Hey Matt..get this...they found another security hole in IE 4.
<Matt> Really? What's this one do? Let you uninstall IE?
<John> Not quite.
<Matt> Oh no...I'm gonna have to open IE...need to test a web page.
<John> Don't worry, Matt, I understand completely.
<Television> And now, The Spice Girls!
<Matt> Oh no! Double hell!
Matt gets up and walks across the hall.
<Matt> Hey, Noah...can you reinstall IE4?
<Noah> Whaaat?!
<Matt> Just kidding...needed to test a web page, and I wanted to try it on IE4.
<Noah> Oh....ok....
<John> Noah, I really wish I had a picture of the look on your face.
Matt walks back in.
<John> Hey, Matt...have you seen the trailers for the movie "Deep Impact?'
<Matt> No. What's it about?
<John> A comet smacks into the Earth or something. I want to find the trailer for it...it's really good.
<Matt> Try their web page.
John tries to go to http://www.deepimpact.com
<John> hmm...this is interesting...
<Matt> What?
<John> That forwarded me to www.planetofthebabes.com, a porn site!
<Matt> You know the porn sites do that when they find out about new movies. That's why it was eventhorizonmovie.com.
<John> Yeah, it's just the first time it's happened to me. Ahh...found it. it's www.deep-impact.com.
<Matt> Figures.
<John> Heh...someone on IRC just made a comment about Event Horizon not having "worthwhile" nudity.
<Matt> I'm not sure it had naked nudity.
John looks at Matt.
<Matt> Errm...dead nudity...
The question mark above John's head shows little indication of going away.
<Matt> I mean, I don't think it had anything but dead people nude.
<John> Uh huh... And of course, you realize that they weren't dead people...just live people pretending to be dead and taking a bath in blood.
Matt nods his head.
A McDonalds commercial comes on TV.
McDonald's announcer- Everyone knows two is better than one...
<John (to TV)> No. Would you rather have two cancerous tumors or just one?
<Matt> Actually, I'd rather not have any cancerous tumors.
And thus, Whiners #16 abrubtly screeches to a halt, as John's year-long writers block begins.
John is an Electrical Engineering major Honors student.
Matt is a Computer Engineering major Gemstone student.
