The Whiners, #19
Featuring John and Matt, two "intelligent" college juniors trying to make it through till tomorrow...
The Wonderful World of Confusion
March 9, 1999
In today's Whiners episode, John recovers from a year-long writers block.
2:15 pm. John returns from the dining hall with lunch. School has been canceled because of snow. Matt has already returned from class.
<Matt> Took you long enough.
John puts his books down.
<John> Nah. I was over in the Union for awhile. Do you have a band-aid?
John walks out of the room.
<Matt> No. Try Jared.
John walks back in from the bathroom.
<John> No. Jared's not in. Oh. Wait. Maybe I have some.
John fiddles through a dresser drawer.
<John> Ah! Yes! I do!
<Matt> Hey, can you burn a --
<John (walking out the door, with band-aid)> Can you ask me later? I'm bleeding.
<Matt> Uh...sure...
John walks back in with band-aid a on his right middle finger.
<John> Damn snow. Cut my finger trying to keep myself from falling.
John notices an ICQ message from Danielle.
-ICQ Danielle- Ah...now that you're back in, can you do me a favor?
-ICQ John- Sure...what's up?
-ICQ Danielle- Dan's in Omar's room. Can you get him to go back to his room without telling him what's going on or that I'm involved?
-ICQ John- What's going on?
-ICQ Danielle- You'll see when you get him there. Please hurry, before it melts.
-ICQ John- Ah...ok...I see. On my way.
<John> Matt, Danielle wants us to get Dan into his room before "it" melts. Join me?
<Matt> Sure...
John and Matt leave their room.
<John> Wait...what excuse are we going to use to get Dan into his room?
<Matt> Um...I could ask him if I could borrow a CD.
<John> Sounds good...let's go.
John and Matt walk up the stairs, and enter Omar and Chinmay's room. Dan and Chinmay are playing Starcraft.
<John> Hey guys...
<Chinmay> Hey...
<Dan> Hey...
John walks over to Dan, who is sitting at Omar's computer.
<Matt> So, Dan...you have the Garbage 2.0 CD, right?
<Dan> Yeah.
<Matt> Think I could I borrow it?
<Dan> Yeah, sure.
John leaves Omar's room.
Dan continues to play Starcraft. A minute later, Omar's computer begins to receive AIM messages from Dan's computer, which read "Help me!"
John runs down to Dan's room. He peeks in. Dan's roommate is there. John looks around, doesn't see anything, and walks up to Danielle's room.
Danielle, Omar, and Shimin are in Danielle's room, as John walks in.
<John> Ah...there you are.
<Danielle> Did you get Dan to his room yet?
<John> Not yet. Matt is working on it.
<Danielle> Did you see it?
<John> No. I didn't see anything. Didn't know what I was looking for.
<Danielle> It might have melted already...
<John> What was it?
<Shimin> A snow Pikachu.
<John> Cool...where was it?
<Danielle> On his chair. You didn't see it?
<John> No...but I didn't know what I was looking for.
Shimin runs out of the room to look at the snow Pikachu. John, Danielle, and Omar follow.
<John> Oh. There it is. I'm blind, of course.
They go back to Danielle's room. Matt soon walks in.
<John> You got him to go to his room?
<Matt> Yeah. He's putting it in Omar's room.
They all run to Dan's room, and meet Dan on their way.
<Omar> What did you do with it?
They run into Omar's room, scaring parents touring the University in the process.
<Omar> Oh. There it is.
The snow Pikachu is sitting on Omar's chair. Omar picks it up.
<Omar> Ok...what are we going to do with this now?
Omar runs out of his room with the snow Pikachu. He heads towards the 6th floor lounge.
<Danielle> How about we put it in the freezer?
<Omar> Good idea!
John and company enter the lounge, which has at least a dozen people already in it playing various card games.
Omar puts the snow Pikachu down on the sink and pours green soap on its head.
<John> You're giving it hair?
<Omar> Exactly!
<Danielle> I have watercolor paints we could use.
<Omar> Naah...
Omar puts the snow Pikachu in the freezer.
<Omar> I'll be right back.
Omar runs back to his room.
<John (looking at watch)> I should go eat my lunch now. It's getting cold. Actually, I should get my camera so I can take a picture of this. I'll be right back.
John runs off to his room to get his camera. Omar returns with his camera.
Omar puts the snow Pikachu in the freezer. Dan uses his hands to sculpt a mouth into the Pikachu.
<Danielle> Dan, you don't need to do that...you'll ruin it!
<Dan> No, I won't.
Omar puts a piece of paper marked "Feed me!" under the Pikachu. Dan adjusts it.
John returns with his camera and takes a few pictures.
They leave the lounge.
<John> You know, I bet everyone in the lounge thinks we're nuts.
<Danielle> You mean they don't already think we're nuts?
<John> Good point.
Later that night...
John, Danielle, and Greg are walking in the hall.
<Danielle> Ok...what can we do now?
<John> We could walk around the building and terrorize people.
They walk past Josh's room, who stops them in the hall.
<Josh> Hey...John...could you help me with a C++ question?
<John> Uhh....what is it this time?
<Josh> Well, I'm trying to cin a float, and it's giving me garbage.
John notices the duct tape Danielle is playing with. He takes a piece of duct tape and goes for Josh's mouth. He misses.
<Josh> Hey!
John attempts to secure Josh's arms, while Greg tries to tie him up with a printer cable. Danielle manages to get a piece of tape over Josh's mouth.
<Josh> Mmmf! Mmuummghf!
The duct tapes comes loose.
<Josh (speaking with duct tape still attached to his mouth)> Hey! You didn't do a very good job with that...
Josh removes the duct tape.
John, Danielle, and Greg run up the stairs and to Danielle's room. Upon arriving, they head towards Omar's room, since Danielle's roommate is studying. Halfway there, they run into Josh again.
<Danielle> Josh, they can't help you. They're too kind to say it, but they can't help you.
John, Danielle, and Greg begin walking towards Omar's room. Josh follows.
<Josh (whining)> But it's not working!
John sees Dan walking down the hall.
<John> Dan! Can you do us a favor?
<Dan> Sure...what?
<John (pointing to Josh)> Occupy him.
<Dan (recoiling in terror)> Yaaah!
John, Danielle, and Greg run down the hall and into Omar's room.
<John> Quick! Lock the door!
<Omar (standing up)> What's going on?
Omar suddenly looks terrified, as he sees that Danielle has a roll of duct tape, Greg has a printer cable wrapped around his shoulders, and that John has closed and locked the door.
<John> Oh. Don't worry. We're just hiding from Josh.
<Omar> Oh. That's a relief. I thought you had come to tie me up or something.
<Greg> No. We tried that with Josh.
<Chinmay> Hey, could you guys keep it down? I'm trying to read!
<Omar> What? You? Read the book?!
<Chinmay> Yeah. It's due tomorrow. And I haven't started on it yet.
<Greg> You're not kicking us out, are you?
<Chinmay> Yes.
<John> Oh darn.
John, Danielle, and Greg leave Omar's room and wander back to John's room.
<John> Hm. The door's locked. Wonder where Matt went.
John unlocks the door. They go in.
<John> Well, he didn't go far. His jacket is still here.
Matt walks in the door.
<John> Matt, where were you?
<Matt> Helping Josh. His program is screwed up. It looks like it should work, but it doesn't.
Omar wanders in. He looks thoughtful, then wanders back out.
John looks at Greg, who is playing with the printer cable.
<John> Having fun?
<Greg> Yes. Much.
Omar wanders back in again, with a chair. He puts the chair down, and sits on it.
<Omar> Oops. I brought my shirt, too.
The chair has a shirt draped over part of it.
<Greg> Hey, does anyone know if we have school tomorrow?
<John> I dunno...but let me check the web page.
John loads www.umd.edu.
<John> There is a link to more information about the snow cancellation.
John clicks the link.
<John> School is closed after 1:30 today because of snow. They haven't updated the page yet.
<Danielle> So...what are we going to do now? I'm feeling agreeable tonight.
<Omar> I don't know...
<Greg> You could hit him with the printer cable.
<Danielle> Ok.
Danielle hits Omar with the printer cable.
<Omar> Hey!
Omar and Danielle begin fighting.
John notices that he has an ICQ message from Dave.
-ICQ Dave- Snow is fun. Think we'll have off tomorrow?
-ICQ John- Would be nice.
-ICQ Dave- No, it wouldn't. I'm supposed to meet two hot blondes in one of my classes tomorrow.
-ICQ John- Lucky you. I can't really talk now...there are two people in pajamas fighting in my room.
-ICQ Dave- Fun. Who?
-ICQ John- Omar and Danielle. You don't know them.
-ICQ Dave- Both male?
-ICQ John- You think "Danielle" is male?
-ICQ Dave- I knew one... I think...
John turns away from ICQ
<Danielle (to Omar, still fighting)> Spread your legs! You know you want to!
<Omar> Um, no. I'm pretty sure I don't.
<Omar (to John)> Reload!
<John> Huh? Oh.
John reloads the page.
<John> No update.
<Omar> Reload!
<John> No update.
<Omar> Reload!
<John> They updated it. They'll post more information in the morning.
<Greg> Reload!
<Danielle> Reload!
<Matt (oblivious to everything going on because he's playing Gex 2)> Reload!
And so, the first new Whiners episode in almost a year ends with John overloading www.umd.edu in an attempt to find out if classes are canceled tomorrow.
John is a Computer Science major Honors student who ought to be doodling on the posterboard Danielle put over his bed.
Matt is a Computer Engineering major Gemstone student who has, unfortunately, become a Quake addict.
